Monday, April 30, 2012

I am NOT a freak, I just don't want kids!

I have been wanting to write this post for quite some time but just never got up the nerve to voice my frustration out loud.  Since I got married in 1997 (wow it will be 15 years this June, holy sh*&t time flies) I have been asked, over and over by every one I meet, "How many kids do you have?"

When I respond "None" they always gets a look of disbelief and confusion in their eyes as if their brain just short circuited because they are talking to a woman over the age of 25 who has not produced offspring.

Then I get the inevitable pity look because they just assume that I am physically unable to have children and the response of, "Oh" in a muted, soft tone as if to express their empathy for me because I can't breed.

The first thing I do is fight down the urge to slap this person upside the head for being so narrow minded assuming that every person that has a uterus wants to have an offspring. That is simply not true! (and while I am dispelling these rumors not all childless women are lesbians either!) 

My next step is to explain that I am not a "baby person" which is my polite way of saying....I think babies SUCK and would never in my life subject myself to the hell on earth that is called, "parenthood".

Now, I do have mothering/nurturing instincts and I funnel them through my animals. I love them unconditionally, take care of them when they are sick, feed them, play with them, make sure they are safe.....
and in return I get zero back talk, no whining, no tantrums, no poopy/urine soaked diapers, no projectile vomit, no college tuition, etc...I just get love. Pure, unedited, exuberant love.  When I walk in the door every evening after work, I don't get, "What's for dinner, I need $20 for school supplies, etc..." I get, "HOLY CRAP,  MOM'S HOME ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD!"

How could you not smile seeing this face?

Yes, yes, I am sure you are reading this thinking, "this broad is whacked!" and you want to educate me on all that I am "missing". Save it, I have heard it all...."It's different when it is your own kid", "kids fill a void in your life that you didn't even know you had", "you don't know how amazing it is watching your child grow right in front of you"...blah, blah, blah....all I can say to that is.... keep telling yourself these fine quips breeders. I know it helps you get through the day without downing a bottle full of vodka along with mommy's little helpers (better known as Valium. )
Ah, just 10 short minutes till blissdom!
Now, I am not a hypocrite and do not assume that all breeders secretly hate the burden of parenthood. I have met some folks who seem to love having kids and expanding the population. Fine by me. I am just asking that next time you meet a woman who would prefer to live her life for her and not anyone else, don't make that snap judgement that she is missing out. You never know she just might be quite content with her life!

Peace and Happiness to you all!

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Monday, April 23, 2012

What a crappy couple of months

Well it has been a couple of months since I last posted and as you read this you will see why. On my last post I wrote about how I was having some medical issues with my female plumbing. I ended up having ablasion surgery to remove the fibroids in my uterus, they also removed a growth on my cervix and did a scraping on my cervix because I had a bad pap smear come back. The surgery was the easiest surgery I ever had. I was back to work 48 hours later. I still have a dilated Fallopian tube and a cyst on my cervix but they aren't worried about either and are just monitoring them every three months. So I figure if they are not worried, then I won't worry!

A week before my surgery, my Granpa had surgery on his eye because he had cancer in the white of his eye. We had never heard of such a thing but leaves it to my family to be trailblazers! He came through the surgery okay and is now getting chemo through eye drops. He  does have dementia that is slowly getting worse so we were nervous how he would do with the anesthesia but he was fine. He and my grandma live on the other side of the state so we couldn't be there with them to help. My grandma is very independent and did not want any of us to come down and stay with them to help them through it. But he is doing just fine! :)

Then the worst one hit. My father had to get surgery to put a pig valve put in his heart to replacea a faulty aortic valve. They do the surgery with scopes and it was supposed to be a three week recovery. Well, they tried to get the scopes down through his neck but they were unable to. You see 11 years ago my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 inoperable esophageal cancer. He went through horrible radiation that burned him both inside and out and then he had the highest chemo they can give a person and finished it off with surgery. He has been cancer free for 10 years. However the radiation left terrible scar tissue in his neck and his esophagus is now hard as a rock. Because of this the surgeon was unable to do the surgery microscopically so they had to open up his chest. He was in the hospital for a week and finally came home last night. I went to the hospital every single day after work and all weekend. It is horrible watching your parent who is your hero and the strongest person you know go through this. He is a tremendous amount of pain. Plus my mother, who I love, gets nuts when my dad is sick. She doesn't handle it well. Since I am the only one in there area I get the brunt of it. She isn't very nice to me. She is so overwhelmed and is a control freak so if everything is not exactly as she wants it she gets very nasty with me even though there is nothing I can do and have done wrong. It is very frustrating and no matter how hard I try to not let it bother me but it really does make a dent in my esteem. I know I am not supposed to take it personally and I see it coming but it really gets old quite fast. My brother has always been my mothers "favorite" and I have always been a daddy's girl but my mom doesnt realize how much her words and actions hurt. So I am sitting here watching my dad sleep so my mom can go and get his prescriptions filled. I give glory to God for getting my dad through another life threatening health problem. I know that He is watching over my father and taking care of him because at this point I don't think my family, especially my mom, a could survive without him. So hopefully things will slow down now that dad is home.

I am mentally exhausted and my own life has been on hold for the past two months between my surgery, my grandpa, and my dad. It seems like there has not been a day that has gone by that I have not been thinking and worrying about something. I once read a great saying on Twitter that I am going to try and implement in my life, "Worrying is praying for something that you don't want to happen" I believe this is so true! So I am going to do my very best not to worry about issues I have no control over.

Wish me luck!! :)

Peace and happiness to you all,