Monday, May 7, 2012

6 Weeks to a more organized, successful life!

I have this horrible problem with tending to live my life by the seat of my pants. My house is the house of 1/2 finished projects, my budget is figured out month to month so that I have no flexibility, I am always scrambling at the last minute to get birthday gifts and/or cards, etc. Sometimes I feel like I live in the middle of a tornado, with everything swirling around me .
Auntie Em, Toto.....It's a Twister!!!

I have all intentions of living a nice organized life with all my house and financial responsibilities handled in a very organized, efficient manner. I can see what I want in my mind, and I usually make a good stab at starting to get everything in line, then inevitably there is a hiccup in the road and I just give up and get back to leading my unplanned, un-managed way of life. And as I fully expect, living this way always comes back to bite me in the a$%.

I was thinking over the weekend about my life and what it has amounted to so far and where I want it to go in the future. Up until two months ago I was very involved with a dog rescue group. I left abruptly after three years because of a personality conflict I had (for lack of a better term). I was ready to leave months before but needed a push.The last altercation was just the push I needed and I left. Looking back I realize that I put up with a lot over the three years at a big cost to my esteem and sanity but I have no regrets because I learned invaluable lessons. But I do have to say that I am still struggling with not being involved with dog rescue on some level.

My Baby Ava when I first adopted her from the rescue I was with

I have had all my friends tell me that if I start my own rescue that they would support me 100% and help me with fundraising and whatever I would need to make it a success. I fully plan on getting this up and running as soon as I can. BUT, I think my own life needs to be fully in order before I jump in with both feet and expect to be successful with a rescue. Hence the necessity on of this new endeavor!

My plan is to create a schedule broken down by days of the week for household chores (i.e. cleaning, paperwork management) a budget for the remainder of the year with a tracking system to see where it worked or failed, and a project plan for completions of all the unfinished projects in my life.  My goal is to follow this schedule for six weeks. While I attempt this massive undertaking I will keep myself in check by blogging my progress once a week so I have a journal to see where I fail or succeed to determine what works. My older brother once told me he read that a person only has to do an action 6-8 consecutive weeks before it becomes a "habit" in their life. Hey it is worth a shot right?

Hopefully a schedule will help me gain more success!
So the first task I am assigning myself is to create the schedules. I am giving myself one week to complete this task. I will have to do some research and try to develop the best system for me. ANY HELP any one can offer in the comments section below would be so greatly appreciated!!!!!

Wish me luck!!!

Monday, April 30, 2012

I am NOT a freak, I just don't want kids!

I have been wanting to write this post for quite some time but just never got up the nerve to voice my frustration out loud.  Since I got married in 1997 (wow it will be 15 years this June, holy sh*&t time flies) I have been asked, over and over by every one I meet, "How many kids do you have?"

When I respond "None" they always gets a look of disbelief and confusion in their eyes as if their brain just short circuited because they are talking to a woman over the age of 25 who has not produced offspring.

Then I get the inevitable pity look because they just assume that I am physically unable to have children and the response of, "Oh" in a muted, soft tone as if to express their empathy for me because I can't breed.

The first thing I do is fight down the urge to slap this person upside the head for being so narrow minded assuming that every person that has a uterus wants to have an offspring. That is simply not true! (and while I am dispelling these rumors not all childless women are lesbians either!) 

My next step is to explain that I am not a "baby person" which is my polite way of saying....I think babies SUCK and would never in my life subject myself to the hell on earth that is called, "parenthood".

Now, I do have mothering/nurturing instincts and I funnel them through my animals. I love them unconditionally, take care of them when they are sick, feed them, play with them, make sure they are safe.....
and in return I get zero back talk, no whining, no tantrums, no poopy/urine soaked diapers, no projectile vomit, no college tuition, etc...I just get love. Pure, unedited, exuberant love.  When I walk in the door every evening after work, I don't get, "What's for dinner, I need $20 for school supplies, etc..." I get, "HOLY CRAP,  MOM'S HOME ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD!"

How could you not smile seeing this face?

Yes, yes, I am sure you are reading this thinking, "this broad is whacked!" and you want to educate me on all that I am "missing". Save it, I have heard it all...."It's different when it is your own kid", "kids fill a void in your life that you didn't even know you had", "you don't know how amazing it is watching your child grow right in front of you"...blah, blah, blah....all I can say to that is.... keep telling yourself these fine quips breeders. I know it helps you get through the day without downing a bottle full of vodka along with mommy's little helpers (better known as Valium. )
Ah, just 10 short minutes till blissdom!
Now, I am not a hypocrite and do not assume that all breeders secretly hate the burden of parenthood. I have met some folks who seem to love having kids and expanding the population. Fine by me. I am just asking that next time you meet a woman who would prefer to live her life for her and not anyone else, don't make that snap judgement that she is missing out. You never know she just might be quite content with her life!

Peace and Happiness to you all!

Linking to:



Monday, April 23, 2012

What a crappy couple of months

Well it has been a couple of months since I last posted and as you read this you will see why. On my last post I wrote about how I was having some medical issues with my female plumbing. I ended up having ablasion surgery to remove the fibroids in my uterus, they also removed a growth on my cervix and did a scraping on my cervix because I had a bad pap smear come back. The surgery was the easiest surgery I ever had. I was back to work 48 hours later. I still have a dilated Fallopian tube and a cyst on my cervix but they aren't worried about either and are just monitoring them every three months. So I figure if they are not worried, then I won't worry!

A week before my surgery, my Granpa had surgery on his eye because he had cancer in the white of his eye. We had never heard of such a thing but leaves it to my family to be trailblazers! He came through the surgery okay and is now getting chemo through eye drops. He  does have dementia that is slowly getting worse so we were nervous how he would do with the anesthesia but he was fine. He and my grandma live on the other side of the state so we couldn't be there with them to help. My grandma is very independent and did not want any of us to come down and stay with them to help them through it. But he is doing just fine! :)

Then the worst one hit. My father had to get surgery to put a pig valve put in his heart to replacea a faulty aortic valve. They do the surgery with scopes and it was supposed to be a three week recovery. Well, they tried to get the scopes down through his neck but they were unable to. You see 11 years ago my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 inoperable esophageal cancer. He went through horrible radiation that burned him both inside and out and then he had the highest chemo they can give a person and finished it off with surgery. He has been cancer free for 10 years. However the radiation left terrible scar tissue in his neck and his esophagus is now hard as a rock. Because of this the surgeon was unable to do the surgery microscopically so they had to open up his chest. He was in the hospital for a week and finally came home last night. I went to the hospital every single day after work and all weekend. It is horrible watching your parent who is your hero and the strongest person you know go through this. He is a tremendous amount of pain. Plus my mother, who I love, gets nuts when my dad is sick. She doesn't handle it well. Since I am the only one in there area I get the brunt of it. She isn't very nice to me. She is so overwhelmed and is a control freak so if everything is not exactly as she wants it she gets very nasty with me even though there is nothing I can do and have done wrong. It is very frustrating and no matter how hard I try to not let it bother me but it really does make a dent in my esteem. I know I am not supposed to take it personally and I see it coming but it really gets old quite fast. My brother has always been my mothers "favorite" and I have always been a daddy's girl but my mom doesnt realize how much her words and actions hurt. So I am sitting here watching my dad sleep so my mom can go and get his prescriptions filled. I give glory to God for getting my dad through another life threatening health problem. I know that He is watching over my father and taking care of him because at this point I don't think my family, especially my mom, a could survive without him. So hopefully things will slow down now that dad is home.

I am mentally exhausted and my own life has been on hold for the past two months between my surgery, my grandpa, and my dad. It seems like there has not been a day that has gone by that I have not been thinking and worrying about something. I once read a great saying on Twitter that I am going to try and implement in my life, "Worrying is praying for something that you don't want to happen" I believe this is so true! So I am going to do my very best not to worry about issues I have no control over.

Wish me luck!! :)

Peace and happiness to you all,

Monday, February 6, 2012

Scared out of my wits!

Well, I finally after 18 months found a new ob/gyn doctor since my last Dr. cancelled my appointments on me for my annual three times in a row. I found one in the same building as my primary that is down the road from my office. It was a perfect fit! I called they got me scheduled for the next day. How easy was that! I should have known it was too easy!

I go in, talk to the doctor about my health, family history and all that stuff....everything is going fine until....the breast exam. Yup found a lump. Welp since my whole family except my mother has had cancer you know where my head we go. Then he found something on my cervix and also suspect fibroids in my uterus. REALLY? Anything else? Geez.... I just had a mammogram in September that came back negative. And I am only over my annual less than 6 months. Makes me wonder what the hell my old doctor was looking at!

So away I go immediately to get another mammogram and then a sonogram. Now mind you this is all in the same building (which is so convenient) however there is no cell phone service in the building due to the medical equipment. So there I am, all by myself getting ushered all over the place. I was ready to pass out I think! So I get my second mammogram, and again negative. Then they sent me for the sonogram and the tech found it right away. But wait, of course there was another one! TWO lumps. She said they just look like cysts though so no big deal. NO BIG DEAL! There is something in me that is not supposed to be there. Why do techs act like that? I know they want to put your mind at ease but don't be so cavalier about it. I mean really.

Now today I have to go for an internal sonogram to look at my uterus and see what is happening there. Yippy! And the best part is I won't have any answers until the 15th! That's right, I get to sit here, stewing about this for NINE MORE DAYS! Ugh! I think that is the worst part. But just being able to put my thoughts down and get this out has helped me immensely....By blogging this I can get my thoughts out without anyone saying, "there, there, you will be all-right" I know they mean well but I just needed to vent with no interruptions and not worrying about getting the other person upset. So thank you to all out there in the internet have helped me today and for that I am grateful!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012


For all you Mamma's out there that love, love, love to bake and make creative cupcakes, boy have I found the book for you! 

Now as you all know I am not a Mamma myself (well to two legged children that is) my kids are four legged and furry...BUT my husband is a sweet freak and I do love to bake. I have lately found that I enjoy baking cupcakes much more than a traditional cake because you can vary your decorating from each cake instead of being a slave to the conformity of one large cake. So if you or someone you know loves to bake cupcakes....this is the book for you!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Playing Catch - Up

It seems like I always have the best of intentions in living a planned, organized, meaningful life but then I get these wild ideas, or something changes slightly and it all falls to pieces.

I decided for 2012 that I was going to do my best to become the best person I could be for my family, my friends, the dog rescue I am vice president for and of course my full-time job. Then life hits you right in the face and I think, WHAT it is the end of January and I have not accomplished one thing! 

I become so frustrated with myself and then I fall back even more and before you know it, the year is half over and I have not changed a thing! Well, I am hoping this little blog will help me remedy that.  

I really want to figure out what I want to do with my life. I really want the many, many projects that need to be done in my house to be completed 100% instead of 1/2 way and then just living with it. I want my "kids" to be well behaved, happy, healthy and to have more time with them. I want to get out more during good weather with my family. I want to spend more time crafting for ME! I want to spend more time with my parents. I HAVE to make a trip down south to see my brother and his family. I want to get my finances organized and under control and I want to wake up every morning refreshed, renewed, excited and bursting with ideas. Sounds good right? 

So how do I do this? Million dollar question I know! 

If anyone has any insight I would love some advice, just leave it in the comment section below. 

My life has always revolved around dogs. I would love to own a dog complex in my area because there is nothing like it anywhere close to where I live. But who can afford to start a business these days? What if it fails? Since my husband is semi-retired I am the main provider for my family. I can't afford to fail. How do people make that leap? I train on the side now but I want to do it full time. 

I love the work I do in dog rescue but I don't like being pinned down to a breed, an area or even to one set of rules. I love the organization I am with but I feel as I learned all I can from them and am ready to move on and start my own in my own home area. How do I break free? 

I love my house, I love my land, How do I get motivated after spending a full day at work and then possibly training 1-2 nights a week to do any type of upkeep? Maybe print pics of homes I like and hang them for motivation? 

Boy if I had answers to any of these question I think I would be rich! If you have any clever ideas please share them with me...I would love some help! 


Monday, September 12, 2011

When is enough, enough?

Lately it seems like everyone I know and care about including myself are going through one sort of crisis or another. I pray each and every day multiple times for everyone and it just seems to be getting worse.
Makes you want to scream sometimes!

My best friends Mom has breast cancer, a friend I recently met I just found out is in ICU, another one of my friends is going through a tough life/career change and is feeling the effects of not knowing whether she can hold out until her dream business takes off. My dear friend is also in the middle of a change in job description and is tired of waiting to find out what it will entail. Each and every one of these wonderful people don't deserve any of this and it just hurts my heart that they are all going through these trials and tribulations. It makes me feel helpless that I can't take the pain and the hurt away. I can't say the magic words to bring them to peace.

I just want to yell out; "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!"

Well, just a short post tonight, I needed to vent.

I wish each and everyone a safe, healthy, happy, peaceful night.